The Trancended(wip)

Clan Name: Has none. However they refer themselves as Transcended ones
Bloodline Name:Transcended Elipse
Village(s)/Country(ies) Of Origin: None



Clan History:Transcended Elipse is what you call... an exchange. It dates back to the point before the sage of the six paths made jutsu. Man knew nothing of chakra, because to them, chakra did not exist, though it still did. So how did they wage war? How did they fight? They relied on Chi energy, which over time eventually chakra was completely replaced with chi. However Transcended Elipse does it in a much faster way. One gives up chakra entirely to the point where they no longer need it. Jutsu is but a mere dream in a fantasy land now. Though this is beyond some ordinary taijutsu user's talent. No, this far exceeds it. This mixes one's chakra nature into Chi. The Chi energy becomes their source of everything

The Clan's history dates back years before and after the sage made jutsu. It existed as a clan of monks before Jutsu existed, however, after Jutsu existed, the clan broke into pieces only to be reformed by those that share a similiar blood and mindset. Since not everyone can actually achieve the Transcended state.


Bloodline Description: The Transcended Elipse is not as much of a "bloodline" as it is a replacement of Chakra into Chi. Broken down into multiple bloodline Talents, The Transcended however are those who give their chakra up entirely and focus on the chi energy of their body. They unlock this with the realization that Chakra is not the only source of energy in the world. Though with time, they realize, what it has costed them in order to do this. Which makes them sacrifice the ability to ever have/use ninjutsu,genjutsu,fuuinjutsu,ijutsu,puppetry




Bloodline Talents:

Name: Chi Energy
Requirements:required to start with.
Cost: 0
Description: Chi energy is the replacement of Chakra, this makes all taijutsu(actual jutsu) cost chi as if it was chakra, for sake of the chakra bar system. (Such as an E-rank jutsu costs 2chakra points, well an E-rank taijutsu costs 2 Chi points) For sake of keeping track, just use the chakra bar, however note that it is not chakra, but instead is chi. The recovery rate for this is 15 points a post. One would also note that their Chi is poisonous to chakra. So ingesting (chakra absorb) would be rather harmful instead of helpful.This makes the one that tried to absorb the chi, actually feel rather drunk and dazed.

Name: Elemental
Requirements:required to start with.
Cost: 0
Description: Those with this talent, may only have one element.a "chi" element of Katon,doton,fuuton,raiton or suiton. They may make taijutsu that use this element, but keep in mind, they use chi, and not chakra. They wont be, for example, sending out fire balls or thunder from the sky. All Chi elemental moves, must come from the physical body and are extremely limited. Obviously up to the mods if they find it too ninjutsuish or not.

Name: Physical prowess
Requirements:required to start with. 50 point training per stage after 1
Cost: 0 for stage 1 ; 100 for stage 2 ; 200 for stage 3 ; 300 for stage 4
Description: Due to using Chi, their body has been accustomed to such, so they are now much faster,stronger and in general a better physical user. However only the greater stages of this can really be noticed.

• Stage 1:No boosts
  
• Stage 2: 50% boost to strength,speed
  
• Stage 3: 100% boost to strength,speed
  
• Stage 4: 150% boost to strength, speed
  

Name: Mental Defense
Requirements: 30 point training.
Cost: 0
Description: Mental Defense is the defense against Genjutsu. This makes the User expend equal chi to destroy the genjutsu used chakra. ( So to beat say, an A-rank genjutsu, it costs A-rank worth of Chi to destroy it). Though the Trancended still must realize they are in a genjutsu. The user may only cancel out genjutsu that their rank allows them to learn

-Cracks knuckles- Alright, let's get to it.

The first problem I see is the clan history, it's short, not very explanatory of the lore and just seems half asse'd, no offense. Add some work to the Clan History, put a little bit more effort into it and explain their lore, and I'll look at it again. The same applies for the bloodline description, both of these just seem extremely half-assed to me.

The second thing I see is the Chi recovery is triple that of chakra, you'd need at least three style points in either Puppetry, Genjutsu, etc, to have 15 chakra points recovered per post, bump it down to 5.

The elemental technique literally makes no sense, you use chakra elements without chakra, elaborate on how this works, and what kind of elemental type jutsu they can perform, you're basically saying they can't use elements but they use elements.

Elaborate on the boosts, you're basically just saying they suddenly gained physical prowess because they use chi instead of chakra.

I don't understand why you need a talent dedicated to breaking Genjutsu when we have a ninjutsu that can break up to A-Rank Genjutsu, plus the fact that with it's current wording, if you had no style points in Genjutsu, you couldn't break anything B-rank+ therefore it's a pretty worthless talent.

These are all of the problems I had with this bloodline, it needs a lot of work lore-wise, along with making the talents fair and for them to actually make sense, as reading some of these made no sense at all.

since you wanna insult, very first post. I'm not even going to pay attention to what you posted. Especially since you dont read it completely through cause you obviously didn't if your suggesting specific things.

Hostility right off the bat... yay cause now I totally want to review it right?

The first thing that irks me is that the clan's background is from before the sage but is only like a paragraph. I mean it only has 'they fought monsters with chi instead of chakra!" to it, and no real development; I mean hell they could be awesome martial artists and such, and be like Chinese martial arts in history etc. I mean it really should be expanded upon especially due to my next points.

This clan while it has the chi theme doesn't really define chi. it's defined in the talents which doesn't give the clan a theme besides what's good to use in game rather than what lore wise is logical and fun.

Because it lacks the focus in the previous areas this is clan is not going to be focused and precise in it's talent section, and yes I have read the talents section thus why i am saying to focus on the lore and the description of Chi in other area's rather than simply tacking on powers into talents and claiming Chi is whatever is convenient to Rp counters.

To be honest you will have more fun writing for the character this way anyway.

kk, I'll try to put some more into the lore and history and such.

And as for my cherry on top:

Every thing in this clan has a 0 EXP Expenditure. Not gonna fly.

everything that requires an exp has an exp. other things dont make any sense. They start with it.

trash this, I no longer care enough to argue pitty shit.